Love is Enough

Sometimes we expect so much out of life that we're easily let down.  Sometimes we lose sight of our blessings and take for granted all we have.  The same holds true of relationships: we tend to expect so much out of our significant others that it's hard for them not to disappoint us, but they're humans too.  When you met your significant other, you were probably captivated and intrigued by the person they were and you didn't expect them to think, feel, or act like you.  You warmed to your similarities and were fascinated by your differences as you got to know them and discover things about their personal story. 

But as time passes and attachment sets in and you become invested in someone, heart and soul, it's easy to project your perspective and sensitivity onto the one who shares your life, almost expecting them to read your thoughts, predict your feelings, moods, and reactions, and share your opinions too.  And when they inevitably don't or can't, it's easy to point the finger at them for falling short. But instead of giving in to our frustration, can't we remember what a blessing it is to simply have someone to love and to be loved in return?

We should all try to love more simply for the sake of loving, and relish being loved for who you are, rather than trying to fine-tune the ways in which someone expresses their love for you.  It doesn't always have to be like it is in the movies (and it's not going to be).  If that's what you have, that's great and I'm happy for you.  But not everyone has a storybook romance that's always picture perfect (or pretty damn close even at its worst).  Not everyone has that Ryan Gosling/Rachel McAdams in the Notebook, awestruck, absolutely sick over each other kind of love.  Not everyone is going to love you for every single thing you think they should love you for; but instead, maybe they'll pick up on some things about you that you didn't even know were loveable.  Better yet, maybe they'll love the parts of you that you don't even like, the parts you wish you could just erase.  And really, who are we to dictate how another should love? It's a personal and vulnerable thing that each heart does differently, it's not just a sentiment or a fleeting emotion.  It's an experience, a part of life that has different intricacies for each person. 

Sometimes we need people that aren't what we think we need or what we expect.  Sometimes there's a higher plan at work that was orchestrated without our knowledge or understanding.  Sometimes people balance each other out, and little disputes, differences, and annoyances come with the territory.  Everybody's different, and you don't get to go plug your specific, desired criteria into a computer and build the person you want (and what fun would that be, unless you're really into science fiction and think it would be cool to just replicate a robot that fits all your qualifications?).  Compatibility and chemistry are funny things, and they don't mean that someone will always have just the right amount of tact or that they'll never let you down.  But if you've got someone who would do anything for you and who places your happiness at a level that rivals that of their own, if you've got someone who has allowed their world to be dramatically changed simply to have you exist within it, then don't let that go. 

If you're truly unhappy with your circumstances, then by all mean, cut your losses and leave.  Change your situation.  Why waste anymore of your time or theirs? But if you know you're with someone who truly, honestly loves and cherishes you and whom you couldn't imagine yourself walking away from, problems and all, embrace that.  Show them a little extra appreciation just for being in your life.  I'm sure we've all had people and situations that were easy to dismiss and walk away from.  But if you're with someone you can't see yourself without, someone who seems to complete you and be your best friend, even when things are tough and you're confused and having second thoughts, give yourself some time to rest your mind and let go of your emotions and then give it a second look.  Assess the root of what you have in the person that's standing in front of you. I'm not saying to settle if you think you're getting less than you deserve, but I'm saying that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and sometimes people get so caught up in chasing the next best thing, only to realize they had gold right in front of them. The next person or situation that might seem better at first will likely be missing some of the qualities you cherish and take for granted about your current situation, after the novelty wears off.

A friend and mentor gave me this little piece of wisdom tonight, almost out of nowhere, long after I'd already thought of writing this post: "Remember these words: there are going to be ups and downs.  My wife and I still have them, but that doesn't mean you don't love each other.  There's no one I'd rather have the ups and downs with.  Because even when it's down, it's still with her.  When you really love someone, it's worth it.  And you work through it and it gets better.  But don't make the mistake of expecting it to always be perfect."

Sometimes the little glimpses of perfection happen at the most imperfect times.  They're not planned or scripted.  Sometimes it doesn't all make sense until you've been through too much.  Just don't walk away too soon, or you could miss out on seeing what it's all about.