Flux

At a time when my life seems fairly settled, static, predictable, and still, it's interesting to secondarily witness the states of flux and transition that many of my friends and people I'm somehow connected to are experiencing.

First, let it be noted that I use the terms "settled, static, predictable, and still," in a positive and not all-encompassing way.  I don't view all aspects of my life that way, but most are, for right now at least, pretty consistent.

Everyone has heard the familiar saying from Greek philosopher Heraclitus "The only thing constant is change."  (Other sources attribute this quotation to French author Francois de la Rochefoucauld).  Lately this thought seems to be gaining more and more verity.  Nearly everyone in my life or network is going through some sort of life change, and it feels like I'm watching the world spin while I'm standing still.  It makes me wonder if there's some sort of cosmic event that I've been excluded from.  It's a strange feeling for me, because I'm so used to my life always being in a state of change, and I'm wondering if I've lost momentum somehow. 

One of my close friends got on a plane to Nebraska today (well first Chicago, then Nebraska) to visit her boyfriend whom she hasn't seen in months.  She'll be there for a week - away from her job and her own network of people and contacts, in a completely different environment.  Nebraska isn't a place we're all familiar with as a common destination, so I'm imagining peaceful, tranquil, and rustic surroundings with the occasional mountain, bear, and lots of corn.  Nice getaway, I'd think.  Seems like a place where you can hear yourself think.  I forgot to mention: he's a Nebraskan who moved to Philly for a while (how they met) and then moved back to Nebraska. 

In a week (I think) one of her close friends in Philly is moving back to the west coast.  That's a huge move.  There's a man out there waiting for her too, but she's also changing her employment status, her geography, her climate...and oh yea, she's a Californian who moved to Philly for a while (how they met) and is moving back to California. 

In this way I am fascinated by the seeming ebb and flow of people and relationships into and out of lives and cities, like hubs and spokes or tides. I have several other friends who are making moves that might seem to be smaller on the surface (not thousands of miles), but are actually significant and maybe even milestones in their lives.  I have friends who are expecting, engaged, leaving or finding jobs, or switching gears completely.  It's so neat to watch relationships form and see paths be traced that you never would've expected.  It's also so strange to see how people and lives grow apart and how time and journeys change the things you used to expect and accept as the norm. 

At a time when everyone around me seems to be taking such giant strides and making such drastic changes to their lives, why do I feel like I'm standing still? I'm not really standing still - I might be taking baby steps towards my goals - but there are ideas and goals that seem so far off in the distance that every time I try to focus on them I lose my train of thought, go in circles, or just can't hear myself think.  I'm an obsessive list-maker and goal-visualizer, I'm notorious for taking first and even second steps, but my closing ratio these days (the rate at which I cross things off my list and actually follow something through to completion) seems like it's dipping. 

It's so easy to get sidetracked in every compartment of life: on the job, at home, and any other area in which you are due to put plans into motion or make changes.  Do I just have too much going on?  Why does it feel like I'm so due for transition when most things in my life are in their place, as I mentioned earlier?  In the cases of the lives I'm witnessing, it doesn't seem as though the changes taking place are simplifying anything, which of course I don't know for sure, and when I think of making major changes myself I think of complication.  But would things be less complex and would progress be easier to come by if I first complicated my life to make a greater, overarching and simplifying change? And if so, where would I begin? Or is this the way it's supposed to be, and should I be glad that things seem slower right now when all I'm used to is crazy? I mean, my day-to-day life is jam-packed which is why it feels like I should be making more progress than I am.  So it's a bit ironic that even with all the clutter and hustle I feel like I'm running in place.