We Really Do Have It All

The other day as I was driving I was daydreaming, as usual, about all kinds of fancy things I want (but will probably never actually buy).  I daydream just for the sake of it - it's like window shopping for the soul.  I love my car and it's never had a major problem, but that doesn't mean I don't fantasize about a fancy car I can't afford.  I don't have a few thousand dollars to blow at Sephora, but that doesn't mean I don't make wish lists on the website.  Catch my drift?

Then I got to wondering about how people mentally window-shop about multitudes of other things, as if a variety of choices were laid out in front of them for their choosing, like in a department store.  People fantasize about different jobs, different significant others, different homes, different lives altogether.  Sometimes the new options they're imagining in their lives are so far from their current reality that it's unlikely they'll ever really experience those things.  But what if they do?

Everyone knows that novelty wears off.  Most of us have experienced the thrill of making a big purchase and splurging on something to reward ourselves.  Part of the reason it feels so good is because it's a rarity, something we can't afford to do all the time, and so we treasure it.  But then there are those people who become so addicted to this feeling of novelty and variety and specialness that they start chasing it, endlessly searching for a sense of fulfillment that comes not from within, but usually from material items or stretching oneself beyond their means. 

In today's society I believe that we're victimized by the media and by standards imposed upon us by the rich and famous.  There also seems to be this whole new breed of people who think they deserve everything life has to offer and that it's theirs for the taking without having to work hard like anyone else.  In a culture where people get famous for no reason and where there are reality shows about hicks in swamps and teenagers having babies, it's not hard to understand the effect that excess and glamorizing the asinine have on our collective culture. 

Women, especially, are taught never to settle, to always want more, and essentially to never be content.  We've become so brainwashed by the pursuit of "having it all" that we can't even see when we already do have it all.  What does this "all" consist of? And who is quantifying it? And how are we to define "having" it? Does it mean leasing something extravagant with payments more than we can afford, rendering our bottom line inflexible? Does it mean plastic surgery and the constant struggle with body image issues to always compete with the next superstars that females are taught to compare themselves to? Or does it mean never "settling" for someone who treats you like gold but for some reason doesn't make you as happy as you think you could be because he's not what society tells you is good enough for you?

What ever happened to the powerful, independent, self-sufficient women who inspired young ladies to work, go to school, save, and better themselves?  Women who had families and made sacrifices and still found time to get a degree or work two jobs and exercise...those strong women of yore, like many of our mothers, used to be role models for our society (maybe in the bygone feminist era) - now it's Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and the like - who teach our young sisters and nieces that beauty without brains pays off as long as you can publicize your sexuality or inherit a fortune with which to exploit yourself in any way possible.  They've taught us that money can buy - or trump - talent and hard work, and that all that matters is your looks, your clothes, your house, your car, who you're dating, and how much cash you can rake in from endorsement deals on products made in sweatshops overseas.  This sends the message to our youth that wealth and excess are equivalent to long-term happiness.  Our jobs as human beings contributing to society are growing more and more difficult because we have to constantly remind the generations after us that these pursuits are ephemeral, fleeting, irrelevant.  We have to constantly conjure up ways to think outside the box and teach the youth what it means to be a good person, how to define and measure success, and how to appreciate life and cultivate it with love, passion and kindness. 

When we're all so inundated by the messages that we're worthless without x or inferior without y, or better if we have z, or that we need 3 cars when we only drive one and that we need a 10,000 square foot home when we only have 2 people living there, or that we should be shopping at fancy department stores because we're not cool if we don't, or that our hair must be perfectly coiffed, our teeth overly whitened, and our makeup perfect at all times, or that if our measurements aren't within a certain range of proportions we're not beautiful, or that if we don't send our children to the most expensive schools (not because we truly believe it's best for them and we're blessed to be able to afford it but because we care where our friends' kids and our neighbors' kids go and how we look if we send our kids elsewhere), it becomes a daily exercise in discipline and faith to remind ourselves to be contented and delighted by the smaller things in life and to take pride and joy in what we do have and what we can achieve if only we could stop worrying about how to get to a point we're never meant to reach. 

I'm not saying men are immune to this sort of social structuring; we see the inflated egos driving around all the time, with their muscles hanging out the windows of their expensive sports cars (that they're probably financing at a high interest rate because they don't work hard enough to be able to actually afford a reasonable payment).  We see the overcompensation every day - nice to look at, appear to be successful on the surface, but are really just adult babies who can't take care of themselves or hold an intelligent conversation. These men also chase the next best thing in the dating pool - the girl with the biggest boobs or the most designer clothes.  What ever happened to men who want a real woman? One who actually cares about them and not their wallet or the amount of fun and entertainment they can bring to her life, one who has her own plans and makes her own money, one who maybe still knows how to cook and/or clean (for an added bonus)?

What happened to counting your blessings and being thankful for what (and who) you've got? What happened to the days where people weren't keeping up with the Joneses, but with their own standards and goals? So many of us forget and take for granted each and every day that we're blessed to live in America, we're blessed to have a roof over our heads, we're blessed to have food to eat, jobs to go to, family and friends to love.  If you've got $100 in the bank and an iPhone in your hand, you're richer than a heck of a lot of people.  So what if there's no room in your budget to go shop at Michael Kors on a regular basis?  Maybe one day there will be, and maybe that will feel good.  But is that what defines your happiness and satisfaction with life?

You can't pick and choose every single aspect of life as if you were designing a home from the ground up, starting with a blueprint.  This especially applies to the people we choose to keep in our company.  We're so trained to always fight and defend ourselves against not being given enough, being taken for granted, being unappreciated, that we lose sight of the fact that maybe we're the ones not seeing what's in front of us.  Life isn't one giant Sims game.  I have a few friends who are in relationships that their other friends are always criticizing, saying "leave him, you're too good for him," or "you deserve so much better," or "don't you want a girl who does XYZ?"

I don't feel that it's anyone's place to criticize another person's relationship unless the advice was solicited, for one.  But here's another thing: maybe your girlfriend doesn't do XYZ but maybe she's the nicest, sweetest, most kind-hearted person you've ever been with and you honestly feel loved when you're with her.  Sure, you could dump her and go try to find another person who makes you feel as good but also does XYZ, but then you're running a rat race.  Is anything priceless or sacred anymore?  Sure, your boyfriend might be too busy to share in every solitary interest or activity you have, but have you stopped to be thankful for the fact that he works his butt off and you're not dating a lazy slob?  Everything is a toss-up, give-or-take.  Once you start realizing that maybe you do have all you ever wanted, or almost - (if you look back to when you were a kid and think about what you thought your life would be like, maybe you've actually surpassed your own expectations) - then maybe you won't feel the need to keep running like a hamster on a wheel in pursuit of all things that can fill imaginary voids. 

In this culture of excess, where everything is paid on credit because we buy things we don't have the cash for, where fakeness is rewarded and skating by on the minimum amount of work or talent is acceptable, where you can't trust most people you encounter and where beauty and money are prized above integrity, honesty, and kindness, it's no wonder people don't know they already have it all.  But in trying to remember and hold onto the values that are truly important, be thankful for the people in your lives who do exemplify something better.  I have several friends that I consider myself lucky to know, who are always just a phone call away if I need some perspective or insight.  I have family that retains good, old-fashioned values and still reminds me of the importance of being polite in public and of teaching children to be well-mannered and respectful.  I have mentors who value intelligence and innovation more than their bottom line.  And in addition to all this, I live in a beautiful house, with an amazing man, a reliable car, two flexible jobs, an entrepreneurial and adventurous spirit, and my youth and health. 

I already have it all.  Anything that comes to me now is a bonus and a blessing.