When I Grow Up...

Monday night I was singing at the restaurant (Fellini Café) and I was waiting on a British family who used to be regulars but now they only come in every few months or so.  It had been a while since I'd last waited on them, so they were happy to see me and catch up.  At the end of the night, after telling me how much they'd enjoyed the evening and my singing, the dad asked me to remind him what I do for a living outside of the restaurant.  When I told him I work for a bank and described my role as Relationship Manager for the Investment Subsidiary, he gave me a puzzled look and asked, "So is that your hobby, or is this your hobby?" To which I replied, "This is."  To me, hobbies are something you enjoy and practice leisurely, which is how I think of my singing.  My bank job is, well, my job, career, whatever you want to call it. 

Then he asked me if I have a banking/financial background (i.e. is that what I went to school for?), and of course I told him no, and explained how the job sort of fell into my lap back in November of '08 when I was looking for something a little more substantial and regular than waitressing.  He asked me what I'd really like to do, and I told him I want to start my own writing & editing business; not just a proofreading service, but a boutique where I also coach people on how to effectively deliver their message and set themselves apart.  I started telling him that I was already in the (very early) planning stages of this idea, and he said something like, "That's all fine and good for now, I guess, until you grow up and decide what you really want to do." 

Normally I'd be offended or at least a little put off by a comment like that, but he said it in such a polite (and British) way, with a big smile, while his wife and kids were beaming at me too, and so I just nodded in agreement and said goodbye.  But I've been thinking about it all week, and I think he's got it wrong (and so do a lot of people).  Why do so many people define "growing up" as settling into one career or trade for the rest of their lives?  I know the traditional train of thought is go to college, get an entry-level position in your field of study, work your way up, go back to school and get your masters', and then keep climbing the ladder until you're at the top of your respective game and successful by anyone's standards.  That's the plan; that's how most people define progress. 

But what if you have more than one talent, gift, or interest?  Read back to my other blog post on Focus and you'll see that I find myself to be one of those people.  And I'll say now as I said then, no, not all your hobbies or interests can be a career.  But some people just change more than others, and some people like routine.  Some people want variety, adventure, and stimuli and some people want security, safety, and consistency.  I felt like telling my customer, "I am grown up, and that is what I want to do, and I'm going to spend the rest of my time finding creative ways to make that happen, even if I have to start small and do projects on the side while I keep my day job to pay my bills, which is, by the way, responsible and grown-up of me, rather than quitting my job because there's no passion in it and going broke and defaulting on my bills.  So there."

Maybe I won't be like Jennifer Aniston in Wanderlust who makes documentaries about penguins and starts her own baking business and then finds a hippie commune and "drinks the Kool-Aid" (and then also ends up publishing books for her writer friends at the commune and becomes rich and happy because she found something she loved and believed in - it's a good movie, watch it) - but I'm perfectly happy with embracing the possibility of finding ways to be successful in whatever interests me and whatever I can do well.  Whether that's in my field of study (music/French/Italian) or my current career path (finance), why is that anyone's concern but mine?

We have a responsibility to ourselves to be happy.  Why does "growing up" have to mean that we're not happy or don't pursue ways to make a living doing things that we love? Why do people frown upon changing directions or bouncing around as if it makes you some kind of wayward wandering lost soul? As long as you're doing it consciously and keeping your bills paid and not shirking your responsibilities, then I think it's great!

Again, maybe being a Jill-of-all-trades is not the most focused way to be, but it's not a problem as long as you can hone one or two interests and keep the rest as hobbies.  If I'm not distracted and irresponsible, if I'm doing what I need to do as a human being, then who gets to say I'm not grown up just because I'm dabbling in different areas?  Maybe I'm more grown up than he is, because I have more areas of interest and potential, maybe I've learned and committed myself to more and like to nourish my active mind. 

When I "grow up," I don't want to be one of those people who just falls into complacency in one routine and one area, thinking that's the way it ought to be, without any hobbies or interests or alternate possibilities.  I always want to have a few cards up my sleeve, something to fall back on, and strive to learn more and be able to make changes if that's what I dream of.  And right now, it is.  When I grow up, I still want to be me.