Let me try to put this into words as best I can: say you have five or ten thoughts in your head at the present moment. And they're all rolling around as you juggle the concepts and processes that are spurred by each. Whenever you start to think more in-depth about thought A, thought B chimes in and interrupts loudly. Then thought A has to start over from the beginning. Meanwhile, thoughts C, D, and subsequent others are all rotating mildly in the background so that you don't forget they're there. All this comes with corresponding mnemonic devices and acronyms and jingles to help you remember everything.
So let's say you're singing the alphabet in your head, but you're also thinking about your upcoming doctor's appointment, what to pack for your lunch tomorrow, which restaurant to call for dinner reservations, and where to stop on the way home for milk. Your thought process might go something like this: ABCDEFG....doctor Tuesday...turkey & cheese, Bonefish Grill, ShopRite. Maybe then you narrow it down to smaller bits and pieces of those phrases and mentally scroll through them like a carousel. But then, the second you start to think about what else to pack with that turkey & cheese and whether you're going to make it before or after doing the dinner dishes and whether or not there's honey mustard in the fridge and how much bread you have left, all of a sudden you hear ABCDEFG...!!!! very aggressively, and then you have to start having the turkey & cheese conversation again, and probably somewhat audibly.
And while you're speaking to the host at Bonefish Grill you get tongue-tied as you attempt to communicate your desire to make a reservation for two at 8 pm because you're still thinking about turkey & cheese at 10 pm and ABCDEFG!!!!! Thoughts can be so rude and wreak so much havoc. Talk about unnecessary anxiety. But I'm convinced this isn't an anxiety disorder, nor do I have a slacking mind. But maybe I should do some brain exercises, if there are such things; not the kinds that flex your intelligence and memory muscles, but the kind that help you actually find that remote control so that you can switch your brain to the OFF position or at least tell it to SHUT UP!!!
Songs are the worst, too. The second the lights go out there's always some song prancing and cavorting through my mind, and I always remember every single word and chord, so of course there's no peace until the song runs through to completion at least 75 times! If you try to stop in the middle, your nagging, annoying mind comes down with a case of OCD and reminds you that you can't end a song in the middle of a verse! And if I try to focus on my breathing, that annoys me too because there's always that slight nose whistle or throat dryness or sinus rattle. If I try to really relax and feel my spine and limbs sink into the mattress and just think "Ahhhhh...." the song quiets down for a second before it crescendos again. If I say to my brain "SHHHHH!!!! Shut up! You need to sleep!" that just makes it worse. It's like it's mocking me, saying "You're not the boss of me!" All this while watching the clock tick away.
Oh, what do I do? I can't always rely on sleep aids just because I can't find any internal peace and quiet. The "noise" isn't even from things I'm stressed about, usually; rather, inane worthless thoughts that leave me wondering "how much room in my brain is consumed by these trivial curiosities and all these song lyrics?" Where can people dispose of their excessive, unwanted thoughts and why do they get louder when you don't need them? Can I make more space in my brain somehow? What kind of specialist would one even seek for a problem like this? It doesn't sound worthy of a psychologist, psychiatrist or even a general practitioner to me. Zen guru? Meditation expert?
Somebody please tell me how to find my remote control. My puffy eyes and exhausted brain thank you in advance.
Sounds like you need Yoga in your life girlfriend! Quiet the mind, be still in your physical body; can't hurt to try. :)
ReplyDeleteOMG, I can totally relate! You should do stand-up, and this should be one of your opening acts! I was laughing so hard I was in tears! I totally know what you mean, but you say it so well that it will have everybody laughing! :) I'd love to "recommend" this post on Google. You might go viral - or someone might just steal it. Yoga does sound like a good idea.
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