Don't Take For Granted...

Girl Power

Women, in general, are a self-deprecating species. Afraid to seek and demand both what we want and need, we often settle for one or the other, a less-than-ideal situation which leaves us unfulfilled, bitter, and resentful.

 

Now of course I'm not talking about all women, and I'm certainly not making a sweeping generalization of the entire gender. What I'm doing is making an observation from experiences with women I either know well or have come in contact with. It's also all over TV: women who suppress their true inner desires and feelings for what they believe is the benefit of someone else. Martyrdom. Women are far worse offenders than men and seem to be naturally susceptible to this impulse. Why?

 

I don't have all the answers, but I can make an educated guess or two. I'd say that the majority of self-sacrificing women are indirectly or subconsciously taught to be afraid of reaching for goals, actually attaining them, failing to attain them, and/or hurting someone else in the process (or someone perceiving them differently).

 

Many girlfriends, wives, mothers, and sisters are afraid that their drive to succeed and their pursuit of happiness will leave someone else high and dry, displeased, or inconvenienced through the displacement of time and energy that used to be devoted to another area (or person).  Others have been subliminally influenced to believe that they aren't qualified to achieve what they want, nor do they deserve it. And still others think to themselves that it's wrong to seek additional fulfillment when their basic needs are already met. So what if they're not nurturing their hearts and souls, their situation accounts for most of their human necessities, so they should be grateful, right?

 

Wrong.  Many women procrastinate or refrain altogether from setting out to make change in their lives, or to recognize a catalyst for change. Some who do notice an opportunity seem to ignore it as a way of punishing themselves, sort of like catharsis, as if ceaseless sacrificing makes them a better person and therefore comforts or reassures them.  They become the charitable, selfless giver, the person everyone takes from.  Then they ignore that empty feeling that comes from the void they've perpetuated through failure to self-nurture. Always putting oneself last can take its toll on a person.

 

This is such a detrimental perspective these days, and there are many factors (environmental, media-related, family upbringing, male influence, psychological, demographic, etc.) to blame. I'm glad to see what seems like a renaissance happening where more women are getting out there and taking charge of their lives and filling them with all that they want, and it's nice to see the media somewhat promoting this through advertisements for universities and various professional fields. But what about what's beyond professional and educational betterment of self? What about recreational, spiritual, creative, romantic, physical, and otherwise?

 

The purpose of this post is to recognize and be grateful for all of the women in my life and networks who are positive influences on me. I am related to, friends with, have learned from, have been mentored by, and have interacted with some really strong, incredible women who, at some point in their lives, figured this all out and are living examples of how to not be one of these empty victims of self-sacrifice.  These women, all of whom I consider close to me, either have had it right all along or have experienced some kind of turning point where enough was enough, propelling them towards a new kind of inner strength and determination.

 

I feel extremely lucky and blessed to share my life with these women, who nurture me and teach me that yes, I can strive for everything I need and want, that I don't have to settle, and that it's not wrong to make requests or changes if that's what's necessary to be happier and become a better version of myself. These women understand that it is not selfish to take care of yourself, to make yourself happy, or to put your own needs first - and sometimes at the expense of a task or commitment being postponed, adjusted, or renegotiated.

 

I'm one of the women who finds myself procrastinating at times and not knowing why, until I realize that there's something about my goal that scares me. I'm one of those women who sometimes feels guilty asking for things that will improve my situation in some way even if they might not seem "necessary" or "important" at the moment. And I'm one of the women who are learning to make the most important change of all, the change to this mindset.

 

We are entitled to happiness. We do deserve to control and shape our own lives. After all, we're the ones who have to live them. We can work towards all of our goals and make ourselves qualified for anything. We should not feel guilty about wanting more fulfillment and feeding our hearts and souls, not just handling our responsibilities and catering to others.

 

I'm so glad to know the women I call moms, aunts, sisters, friends, cousins, teachers, mentors, and colleagues.  I thank them and hope that they recognize just how special they are, and I hope that someday I can inspire someone in the same way.